HO HO HOLD on to your coping skills: 12 Therapist Approved Tips: Holiday Edition
HO HO HOLD on to your coping skills. Here are 12 therapist‑approved tips for getting through the holidays, without losing yourself, your sanity, or your nervous system in the process.
1. If You Can’t Make It Better, Focus on Not Making It Worse
You do not have to fix your entire family system by New Year’s.
Sometimes the win is simply not adding more fuel to a fire that’s already burning.
When the pull to jump into the same old fight shows up, try silently telling yourself:
“Not my pig, not my farm.”
Staying out of a dynamic that repeatedly harms you is not avoidance; it’s boundary work.
2. There’s Rarely a “Good” Time for a Hard Conversation…But there are particularly bad times and the Holidays qualify.
Yes, there are conversations that need to happen. No, they don’t all need to happen between the mashed potatoes and dessert.
Take the pressure off yourself to resolve lifelong patterns over pie. You are allowed to say:
“Not right now. This matters, and I want to talk about it another time.” or, “I am not talking about that today.”
That’s not dodging; that’s protecting both the relationship and your capacity.
3. Cope Ahead: How Do I Want to Feel When This Is Over?
Instead of asking, “How do I get through this perfectly?” ask:
“How do I want to feel about how I showed up when this is over?”
Maybe:
“I want to spend quality time with my kids.”
“I want to connect with my grandma.”
“I want to show up for myself and prioritize my recovery.”
“I want to stay in my adult self and respond, not react.”
Let that feeling be your anchor and guide. You won’t do it perfectly. That’s okay. Reset and return to your anchor as many times as you need.
4. Expecting the Expected Saves a Lot of Disappointment
People are probably going to be themselves again this year. The uncle will say the thing. The sibling will run late. The parent will worry in the way that sounds like criticism.
Instead of waiting to be surprised, try:
Noticing what is actually enjoyable or neutral about them.
Letting yourself have those moments without needing the whole person to change first.
Humanity is messy. Connect where you can. And remember:
You are allowed to disappoint people to take care of yourself.
Someone being annoyed, confused, or mildly offended is not proof you’re doing it wrong—it’s often proof you’re doing something new.
5. You Don’t Have to Attend Every Argument You’re Invited To
You are more likely to influence people you feel connected to than people you’ve gone emotionally offline with. You can:
Notice the pull.
Feel your body light up.
And still choose: silence, subject change, gentle boundary, or walking away—instead of round 47 of the same fight.
Our families push our buttons because those buttons were literally installed there. There is a lot of history and history has layers of complicated context that isn’t always current or measured.
6. You Can Pre‑Decide Your Exits (and Your Boundaries)
Don’t wing it. Plan it.
Have scripts ready so your nervous system isn’t improvising under pressure:
“We’re going to head out in a bit.”
“I’m going to step outside for a minute.”
“I’m not going to talk about that today.”
“My kids can give hugs if they want to. Please don’t pressure them—we’re teaching them to trust themselves.”
“I’d like to revisit this conversation another time, but I’m not willing to keep talking about it today. I’m feeling uncomfortable.”
7. Micro‑Breaks Count and Can Change Your Whole Day
Two minutes alone in the bathroom, three deep breaths at the sink, or a quick walk around the block can be the difference between “I lost it” and “I made it through.”
When in doubt, walk it out.
A short walk will change at least a few things immediately: your breath, your heart rate, your visual field, your posture, and often your perspective.
Give yourself and your family members grace. Give yourself what you need. It’s okay to feel overwhelmed; it is a lot.
8. Imagine This Is the Last Holiday You Spend This Way
Not to bring the mood down—but one year, it will be.
Let that reality gently shift you from:
“What I wish were different”
to
“What I still appreciate.”
You can give yourself permission to do your best this year, with the skills and capacity you have, and make a new plan next year if you need to.
9. Aftercare: The Week Before and the Week After Are the Real MVP
Whatever you are doing now is what will resource you when you’re in the thick of the holidays.
Before:
Prioritize sleep where you can.
Say no to at least one non‑essential thing.
Think about what helps your nervous system feel safe: predictability, movement, alone time, therapy sessions, meds, food that actually fuels you.
After:
Give yourself extreme self‑care. Be radical. Clear the schedule where possible. Expect an emotional crash and plan for gentleness, not productivity. Recovery time is part of the event—not an add‑on.
10. Start Over as Many Times as You Need
Start over. Full mulligan style.
We get stuck in black‑and‑white thinking, especially around the holidays. Emotions run high, expectations are loud, and intensity is baked in.
If you mess up once, it isn’t over. You didn’t ruin everything. If you crash out, you don’t have to stay there.
Give yourself a reset:
Take one breath.
Name what happened.
Choose the next‑best, not the perfect, step.
What matters most is not that you never get dysregulated. It’s what you do next.
11. Merry Mantra: Pick One Line to Come Back To
Have a simple mantra to keep you tethered to your anchor, your cope‑ahead plan, your objective for the holiday.
A few options:
For presence: “Just this.”
For overwhelm: “One thing at a time.”
For nervous system regulation: “Slow is safe.”
For boundaries: “Clear is kind.”
Write yours in your phone, on a sticky note in your pocket, or on the bathroom mirror. Let it be the sentence that brings you home to yourself when you feel pulled in 12 directions.
12. Keep It Moving: Redefine a “Good” Holiday
Good enough is great. Progress, not perfection.
A “good” holiday is not one where you:
Ate perfectly
Socialized perfectly
Or parented perfectly
A good holiday is one where:
You noticed overwhelm and brought yourself back at least once.
You got off track, noticed it, and turned around.
You didn’t give up on yourself when you were human.
You showed up a little more skillfully than before.
Better is better. Period. It all counts.
If you practice even one of these tips this year, that already counts as different, and different is how healing begins.