Thanksgiving is America’s normalized day for bingeing. So, for those of us with eating disorders (active or recovered) or disordered eating habits, or let’s be real anyone. All of us could benefit from a harm reduction guide for navigating this Thanksgiving. We got this!
1. Plan. Make a plan, any plan. Decide what your bottom lines are non-negotiables, green light foods and recovery behaviors are going to be. Equally important, decide what you aren’t going to do: top 5 red light foods and stay away from behaviors. It is imperative that the planning is done in advance, think through the day; what may be challenging, possible triggers and then plan for how you will cope effectively with them. If you haven’t decided about the pie situation before you arrive, it will be exactly that… a situation.
Examples:
· I am going to eat a balanced breakfast, only veggies for apps, fill my plate with protein and veggies and then a bite or two of stuffing and mashed potatoes. If I want more, I will use my harm reduction plan to eat more veggies and check in with myself.
· I am going to have whatever meal I want and no desserts.
· I am going to focus on connecting and enjoying my company rather than the food. (And also have a plan for the food)
· No purging no matter what
· One plate, no dessert
*Most importantly, have a plan, think about it and visualize what you want to have happen and then you will be much more successful at being skillful than showing up and winging it. *
2. Meal regulate throughout the day. Eat every 3.5-4 hours. Eat a balanced breakfast and snacks throughout the day instead of “saving up” by not eating all day. This is problematic for several reasons, mainly every restriction inevitably leads to a binge, and it gives false rationalization for eating in ways you aren’t going to feel good about later. When you show up to a meal after not eating all day it is go time and for most people a set up for not wise minded food choices and impulsivity. You can still eat whatever you want to eat at Thanksgiving, you will just be much more conscious when deciding.
3. Separate. Know your Apparently Irrelevant Behaviors (AIB’s) when you hear them. Its Holiday season, they are coming for you. In Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) we learn about, and look out for AIBs to help cope ahead with tricky impulsive or mood dependent behaviors. You may have guessed it; they are NOT irrelevant. I always tell my clients the road to relapse is paved with AIBs. The biggest problem with eating disorders is they speak to you in your own voice. If you can recognize exactly what it sounds like you can separate it and challenge it before you feel possessed. The most common offenders are usually thoughts you think often, small seemingly innocuous thoughts that lead to you saying, “eff it, I’m going for it!” but later feel shame or regret.
Here are a few examples:
“It’s Thanksgiving!”
“I don’t want to be extra/high maintenance- it is tradition.”
“I haven’t eaten all day, so this is basically my one meal so…”
“I will make up for it tomorrow.”
“I will only have one”
“I need it, if you had my family, you would too.”
“I ran this morning so I can …”
Here’s the dirty truth about disordered eating, whatever circumstances you are dealing with that may be challenging, there isn’t any binge/shame cycle that isn’t just going to make it worse. The emotional eating rarely delivers on its promise and over time leads to a gnarly shame cycle that is very destructive and hard to get out of.
4. Tell the Truth to yourself about yourself. Have a mantra and use it, often. It is also helpful to call a spade a spade, when you hear the seductive sale of how good this will be/feel/taste, call it. It won’t be, it hasn’t been and it’s not going to be. For most of us that pre-problematic, romanticized “this is going to be fun” part doesn’t exist anymore. If what you need is connection or to let go and feel free, it doesn’t matter what that eating disorder says it can’t give you that, it works well to identify what you actually need and what the food is masking.
“There is always tomorrow, I am just not going to do eat this today.”
“This is just another Thursday.”
“Just one meal”
“I can do this”
5. Connection. Have an accountability buddy. Recruit a friend or family member you can do this with. Decide and commit to each other your plan. Then check in about how you are doing/how you did. Practice the hard stuff in advance. If you are someone who has “enjoyed” holidays and celebrated with food in the past and you are anxious about navigating not eating sugar this year, know what you are going to say to family and friends in advance (i.e. I am doing a 30 day sugar detox, I had an allergy and dermatologist suggested I avoid sugar, I am full maybe later).
6. Do less. Ideally you want to have a solid plan and commit to following it 100% but its food and we are not perfect so having a harm reduction plan is key to succeeding here. If you slip up and fall off your scheduling programming, keep it moving. Sometimes being skillful is how quickly you recover from and forgive yourself for not being skillful. It all counts.
7. Urge Surfing. Just sit there. When you notice yourself veering from your plans, feeling strong cravings in a moment remember they will pass it. Cravings are episodic and will come and go. If you can distract yourself for 15-20 mins, they will pass all on their own. Have a little coping kit of 3 things you will try first, before giving into the craving.
Go wash your hands in the bathroom.
Take 5 deep breaths.
Call a friend
Drink some cold water
Say your mantra
Sit on your hands.
8. Be Kind. You are doing your best. Navigating recovery and food is hard, it won’t be perfect. Stay connected to your wise mind and don’t abandon yourself. When you cruise through Thanksgiving like a skillful badass, remember to be just as diligent on the day after Thanksgiving, see #1 again! We can do this.