Am I right? Is this the worst month yet? I can’t complain as I have all the “life” things to be grateful for: beautiful healthy kids, a wonderful partner and a job that I love. But it is the worst month yet isn’t it?
I have been talking a lot this summer about how to get through this next stretch of awful, and there is a certain piece of clinical naiveté when it comes to these unprecedented times, as well as, in general not gas lighting people or being invalidating about how tough being a human is right now. I wish I had a skill for it, which of course I do, but that is for later. For now, can we just acknowledge we have hit the worst of the worse and are still here, fighting the good fight, but also the reason it has felt so hard is because it is. You are not alone, this is crazy, and we are going to get through this. Somehow.
Not to make it about me but also just so you know, my family moved, and within the first month our fridge and dishwasher both broke within a week of each other. Having two kids under 4 and no fridge or dishwasher is literally such a perfect depiction of life right now. Here’s what we can do:
1. Validate and be kind. This is just that hard. This being life, our current economic and political climate, the amount of heat and humidity that make being outside almost unbearable. These are all vulnerability factors that make doing the day harder. Throw on top the last 2 years of isolation and whatever COVID-isms you have picked up and we are starting with a cup that is not full, not half full, and we are thirsty.
2. Don’t make it worse- When you don’t know how to make it better just don’t make it worse. Making it worse is being critical and hard on yourself for having a hard time, expecting impossible things from yourself or coping in ways that lead to shame or self-destruction that make reality worse.
3. Don’t try too hard to make it better- here we are guys. Don’t make it worse but also don’t invalidate the struggle with a walk around the block or a whole30 to change the state of the world. Don’t approach change by insisting you start a yoga challenge or quick fix solve to a complex multifaceted problem. When trying to actually change something, be clear and specific and then start small.
4. Find Joy- Find the things that give you joy, make you smile, or make you feel meaning. These are tough times, and we must cling to the parts of the story that give us hope and energize our beings.
5. Connect- No one isn’t having a hard time. This is my clinical opinion just speaking from experience. The life circumstances we have had as a world over the last few years have put us in a unique place to connect to one another. When someone reaches out, tell the truth about how things are, what you need, where you have found joy and what you are struggling with.
Tips for day-to-day coping:
1. Wake up and have an uninterrupted mindful minute. The way we start the day matters
2. Get enough sleep
3. Set some limits around work and with your screens and stick to them. (Not having work email/slack on your phone, having a time when you stop checking email, taking 30 mins and going phoneless.)
4. Make a daily goal of something specific that will have an impact on your mood. (I’ve done “No complaining” for several days and it makes a huge difference).
Reassurance Mantra: This will end. This is temporary. I can handle this.