Part III: There's no 'nervous system hack' for Fascism, Skills to Stay & Fight

Part III: When you can’t make something better, focus on not making it worse.

“Box breath won’t solve fascism.”

Of course it won’t, but it can increase your tolerance for bullshit so you can stay and fight it.

Skills don’t solve problems.

     Skills give us agency.

Skills Increase our capacity for problem-solving, Increase our capacity for tolerating intensity and reactivity. Help us to more effectively manage our own biology (Highly sensitive people, I see you). Reduce our suffering and widen our Windows of Tolerance.

1. Conscious Narration: Make the unconscious conscious

What: Narrating aloud. "I see the sun hitting the rug," or "I’m so grateful for Grandma checking in on me today." When you are having a hard time modeling, “I am feeling angry right now, and I am staying calm.”

Why: Describing what is happening instead of reacting to it is an instant regulator. It anchors everyone to the present moment and reminds your brain that you are part of a larger, resilient ecosystem. Isolation is a byproduct of the threat response; narration breaks that seal. Saying things out loud just hits different. When you coach your brain by saying “I am staying calm” You move from the reactive 'emotional brain' to dual awareness in the observing more wise minded self state. By naming the goal (calm) while acknowledging the feeling (anger), you create a gap between the impulse and the action. This really works! Also, being in the present moment is regulating because it's happening right now.

2. Do What Works: Be Effective (Over Being ‘Right’)

What:In the heat of a power struggle, or moment of reactivity ask: “What do I want to happen? What is the outcome that I want?” “Where do I want us to be when this is over?” Then, take a breath and put everything else aside to find the quickest path to that outcome. This is about energy conservation and doing what works. Even if it isn’t what you *feel* like doing. For context, I have had moments of, “I may not win the war but I will win this battle.” so this is not easy but it is effective.

Why:  Emotions are the #1 barrier to effectiveness. When we are dysregulated we can be our most ineffective selves. High-stress situations narrow our thinking and our bandwidth for flexibility. Choosing effectiveness is a Wise Mind skill, it helps our brains zoom out for a second to consider the endgame.

Anything we do to slow down reactivity and broaden the scope of our awareness is a mindfulness practice & down regulating.

3. Everything is so Heavy So Feel the Weight

What: Make the weight real (literally). Use weighted blankets or have your kids "pile on mom." Put a dog on your lap. Push against a wall. anchor your feet into the ground (visualizing actual dirt and roots of lineage, “I don’t know what to do right now but something inside me does.”)

Why: Weighted blankets provide Deep Pressure Touch (DPT). This therapeutic input signals the parasympathetic nervous system to release calming neurotransmitters like serotonin and dopamine. It’s a full-body hug that tells your brain: "You are grounded," even when the emotional weight of the world feels crushing.

For kids you can do sensory input with pillows, or “burrito blankets”

4. The “Small Stuff” is the Big Stuff

What: Choosing tiny, "insignificant" acts: lighting a candle at dinner, fixing a snack just right, some fun *extra* for your family, or slowing down to look at the sunset.

Why:  When the world feels giant, our brains look for giant solutions. But the nervous system is built on micro-moments. The nervous system is constantly scanning for 'cues of safety' or 'cues of threat.' High-level political dread is a constant threat cue; lighting a candle is a deliberate safety cue. You are providing your brain with evidence that, in this exact 10-foot radius, life is still happening & worth attending to. Doing the small thing isn't ignoring the world, it is a defiant act of reclaiming your home. So many of us feel like, “What can I do? That won’t matter, that's not enough.” but calling our senators just made a BIG ass difference. Let what you can do be enough, so you do something instead of nothing.

Nothing is paralyzing. Something is momentum building.

5. Avoid Avoidance with Intentional Discharge (especially good for parents)

What: When you feel that hot anger rising and you’re about to lose your shit, pivot to a go-to discharge. I have been belting out "Oh, I just can't wait to be kinnnnng!” Shake your arms, push your hands together and rub them until you can feel heat, get a piece of paper and scribble (hard) in a circle over and over. Breathe deep and sigh audibly out several times. Pull a blanket off a bed, throw pillows against the ground. Do something to discharge the cortisol from your body.

Why: The stress cycle is: activation, action, recovery. We are getting stuck in the activation part. Suppression is a pressure cooker. Trying to "stop" or push down feelings actually increases physiological distress until it explodes (bigger). This allows you to discharge high-intensity energy through your voice without directed aggression. You get the "charge" out while keeping the impact & damage low. You are self validating, “this feels hard right now.”

5. Opposite Action & Acting ‘As If’

What: When you feel paralyzed by dread, act as if you feel capable, summon a part of yourself that you may not feel connected to rn, but you know is there. Take a breath, visualize them and then act as if. Set the table, make your bed, or read the bedtime story with a steady, warm voice, even if your hands are shaking. Our brains and emotions take their cue from our actions.

Why:Changing your outward behavior sends a "top-down" signal to the brain that you are safe enough to function. Your biology often follows where your actions lead. You aren't faking it; you're leading your nervous system back to center. You are tabling this for now, not avoiding it. Functional Partitioning or adaptive denial is the ability to hold two truths at once. I can feel terrified for the future AND I can be a warm, present parent who reads 'Goodnight Moon' We are training our brains to be dialectical. Do what you can, find an anchor. When you feel like you can’t “do it all” - don’t, just do one thing.

6. Keep Your Heart Open

Use "Heart-Openers." Look at photos of things you love, pics of babies & animals from when they were small, practice a 2-minute Loving-Kindness meditation, or put your hand on your heart while they sleep. Listen to little voices, talk about animal facts, look at pictures of things you love, be with those you love.

Why: Chronic stress makes us "armor up" and grow cold, this is a survival mechanism. Actively softening your heart prevents Blocked Care. It reminds your system that attachment and love are more powerful biological motivators than fear. It makes us stronger, it keeps us open and available for connection, which is probably the most important resource right now.

Some Extra DBT Skills for the road:

Self Validate by naming what you are feeling, “it makes sense that I am feeling this way.”

Radically Accept reality as it is, even though it is not as we wish it were or think it ‘should’ be. Resisting reality adds to our suffering by keeping us stuck.

We accept this moment so we can change the next one.

“This is happening” vs “This can’t be happening.”

It is happening.

Keep fighting the good fight,

xx Meghan